The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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