You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
