watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
