why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
