It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
