All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Watching her eat just hurts me
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize