apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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