Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
