Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
