it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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