Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
