We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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