Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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