how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
