Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
