I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize