i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Come see our sink grown plant.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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