Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
