Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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