We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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