the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
