sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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