Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Randomize
