I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize