i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
