he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
