my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
