I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
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