maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
