Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Randomize
