Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
