Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
