Don't you send me to vm
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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