I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize