she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
