I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
