im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
