I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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