soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
