so let's talk penis.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
