My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize