I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
