I wish life had little blips of pornography
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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