Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
