The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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