big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
