you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I wear drunk well.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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