a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
