my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
