Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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