i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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