sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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