Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
