You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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