So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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