I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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