Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize