You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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