I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
