it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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