are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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