k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
They are going to name an STD after you.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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