good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
