Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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