My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
