TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
