You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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