He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
