how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
