She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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